Death Tudor Style - (Medieval Medical Madness)

0:01 Hello bizarre story, friends. You are listening to The Bizarre, a FA place where we talk about the strange, the unusual, and all things bizarre. A F I'm Alicia, your Hostess for today's episode. And as always, we ask that you keep an open mind. Keep a skeptical year, but keep on listening to those facts as we take you on our newest journey, Death Tutor style. Tally ho, my cohost with the most Kevin. How are you, my lad?

1:00 I'm doing great, my love. Oh, you're Scottish? Skyrush or Irish? Oh, I'm Irish. Irish health. Luck of the Irish right now. Huh. Oh, gosh, it's so good to see you. You. Too, we get to dress up again, which I love her costumes so much. It's the best part of us being fucking nerds is like doing the the costumes. But you know what I'm even more stoked about? Tell me we are lucky to actually have a real lady in our midst. Yes, introduce introduction. The host of Fluently Forward, Shannon McNamara. No, great heavens, I'm bestowed to be here. We are so thankful.

1:52 Pleasure. An absolute pleasure. Welcome, Shannon. Yes, welcome. Thank you so much. I'm so psyched to be on here. Your podcast has been. I've been listening to it constantly for the past couple. Of years. You guys taught me how to say voodoo correctly. Voodoo. Voodoo. Yeah, that. Was. Something I like, didn't know, like I love it. I love it all. Well, I'm a floozy. Yeah. Thank you for listening. I'm a fellow floozy. There we go. Which are Shannon's ladies, right, you guys? Have to have a name like the Bizarre Heads or something. Yeah, we'll think the bizarre test we can do votes. Some of your votes, Yeah, Even if it's what do you want? To call yourself, you know, motherfuckers, I'm just joked to be here and and to have you here with us drinking some.

2:42 Cheers. Yeah, some Kava like Kava and fucking. Being. Nerds, cheers. So tell us something weird, Alicia. I'm. I'm happy to tell you something weird. OK? Whoever beverages in hand, gonna get weird. King Henry the Eighth. January the 8th. Not the 7th, 6th or 5th or 4th. No or third or second or first. 9th Not the ninth. OK, not. The 9th, The 8th. Specifically, what do you guys think of when you first? I think of a song. Yes. And Ray the I I am, I am. That's about all I know.

3:22 I love that. I think of someone who gets around town. I think of someone who would have used Tinder today. Yeah, I think of someone who liked to spread it around and yeah, get that seed out there. I mean, he definitely did that, yes. Seed. Yeah, he wanted to plant the seed for sure. His wives are another popular thing that people think of. So he was the king of England and he was well known for those six wives that there's a Broadway show right now that's going on called 6 The Musical about this. And it's just the six women his wives. So each one have like it's kind of like Hamilton, honestly. OK, I don't mind the music of it, but I heard the music. Of this musical, Yes, I'm that person, yes. We know we.

4:10 Know you. I can't believe you even. Asked that question. Yeah, right. So I've listened to it, but it feels kind of like Hamilton here's hot take. Okay Six is just riding on the coat tails of Hamilton. Bum bum bum, yeah. But it's not the Kotels. It's the tampon string. It's like women only, you know? Yeah. Totally on the tampon string, yeah. I like to ride on the tampon string sometimes. Why not? It gets your place. So he was, he had six wives. First wife, you know, was with another woman, right? He liked to get it out there, so to say. And he's married to them all at the same time, right? No.

4:59 So Mary's divorces, Mary's divorces. Yeah, because he is a good Christian boy. Sure. Or a Catholic boy at this point. Got it. He ends up going to the Pope and saying, hey, I need to get my my relationship or my marriage annulled. The first time the 1st. Time Okay married to his first wife. Okay, got it, the Pope says. Nope. And then? I think that needs to be a tshirt. It does. Pope says no, and it led to the English Reformation. So the English Reformation is where King Henry changed the religion of England. In order to get a divorce, to get a divorce, so they became Protestant.

5:43 He creates the Church of England, which he is the head of. Sure, go figure. So the real question is, how good was it the to the poon Tang? The poon Tang. Yeah, to drop an entire religion. I've never had sex that good before. Yeah, but I'm sure it's out. There sex. But. Do all of that. Yeah. Have you ever had sex? So good it makes you want to like, form an LLC? This is like one step above it. I was like, ah, fuck, like build a church. You. Know. Like, yeah. Never. Not yet. Not yet. Not let's. Hope one day we all experience you know nothing on what.

6:23 Yeah, sex so good. You want to build a library? Damn it. Good for him. Well, so that's what had ended up happening. And Henry, the images of him we always think of. You know, you see the older versions of Henry when he was a king for a while, but he was an before that. He was an avid outdoorsman. He loved hunting. He loved playing tennis. He loved jousting, being on a horse. It's kind of giving Robert Baratheon from Game of Thrones, you know, like he was the strapping warrior. But then he became king and he kind of just started drinking. Yeah, yeah.

7:06 I never watched the show. No, I'm Can you give me either? Okay. No, but I'm just but that is my perception that's. What I would think, yeah. But trust me, it's accurate. And now that you told me that I'm gonna, like, slip in fake characters, I'll be like, I was totally like Queen Turley learned, you know? Oh my gosh. She's the best with her mice. Yeah, she had all these mice is like. Magical mice. Yeah, I would fucking believe it for sure. So okay so he was. He was an avid outdoorsman, but the depictions of him today we see more of a rotund guy. He, you know, a nice way to say is jolly, but really he was not. Santa Claus shape, you mean?

7:53 Yes, Santa Claus shape. Yeah, he was more rotund and not the original Henry that that he was at the beginning of his reign, so in January. Typical hot king that you the hot and he was. That's exactly very charismatic, very like would bring people. His speeches were known to be just amazing. He was a great king. Everyone loved him before January of 19. I said 19151536 January 15. He's risen again in the 1900s, In the 1900s, Henry's back. So in January of 1536 he was knocked off of his horse with a Lance blow.

8:35 The horse actually fell on top of Henry and he was unconscious for. Hours now. This was a massive jousting accident that his actually, his inner circle were like, he's never going to recover, he's going to die. But that like the saying, the good die young, he recovered so he had severe head trauma and he was knocked unconscious for hours. I honestly, who really knows because inner circles will keep this information pretty secret, but he was at least he was knocked out for a few hours. That's what they're willing to say. But what happens to personalities with severe head trauma, right?

9:17 Yeah, they do like a 180 and it's always usually for the angrier. It's never like I had like a head wound and now I like give to charity all the time. Like now I tell stand up jokes. It's always like I became an asshole. Totally, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna sit here and eat and be a Dick. Yes, it's always an asshole. So you guys are right. It's medical professionals today who look at his case file say that his personality changed because of that head trauma and that is why the tyranny that he is often associated with his subject as well as his his wives occurred was because of that. So in addition to this head injury, Henry also suffered injuries injuries to his leg and this would result in open ulcers that would that were formed on his leg for the rest of his life.

10:13 So back during that day they used to think like a healing wound was bad. So in order to have something heal properly and you wanted it to have like open air and you would constantly like cut. Open the wall. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. So he had like these like bulging like bandages and stuff, isn't? That crazy, like how they thought that back then. Because like when it heals, like it heals, you know what I mean? Like the ideas people, even with like leeches, like sucking out the bad blood. Like. It's just so strange. It's. So barbaric, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, well and so this is also the time, like you said, leeches.

10:58 Also the time of bloodletting and bloodletting was where they would release blood thinking it was poisoned and trying to create like oh once we let all this bad blood, the good bloods going to come in which like. I kind of do get that. Like, I know, I know. It's like I. Didn't know anything. Like, you would think that, oh, I totally would have been like a believer. I'd be like, makes sense, you know? Yeah. I I mean, I I do see that. Like, maybe. But also these people were so sick and it just kind of made them more complacent because they're all anemic And for. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, no, this is what This is how this is healing. They're being healed. So it's like, by the way, do you ever get those ads on TikTok where they're like, you have too much like poop in your system, so you need to take these vitamins that like do a colon cleanse because like one day they're going to look back on that and be like, no, like poop is in your system until like, you can never be fully poopless.

11:53 You know, like you can't not have. So we still kind of do these things to this day. I mean, that's really true. Have you ever done, have you guys ever done like a super dieter's tea? No. No, I've heard though, that like you did it. Does that just flush you out? Oh my God. We just, like, I'm doing it right now. I was gonna say I would have to have something here at the moment and it would not be comfortable. I thought I was dying. I'm not even kidding. I honestly thought I was dying. When I took it. I was like, Oh yeah, sure. I'll try this. Super Dieters tea. It's a tea that you drink. It has some kind of herbal like yeah, mix that just. Is this an ad? You're like and we have a code too.

12:34 Bizarre. Yeah. When you're checking out of. Yeah, it is not pleasant. It hurts your stomach. My mom actually once played a trick on someone on a road trip and gave them some dieters. No, I think that's one of those. On a road trip? Yes, you had to drive like 7 hours. Well, no. You're punishing yourself because now you have to be in the car with that person. No, she was not in the. Car, can you say sadistic awful? Yeah, so awful. Anyway, digress, so, so bloodletting. So he, he had always had these sores on his legs and over the next 10 years it they were never healed because they're constantly being opened up by his physicians saying this is what we need to do for the rest of your life. He would actually survive more than one occasion where infection from these wounds risked his life. And they said I believe it, yes.

13:37 Cutting yourself back open, getting infected. It's like they had antibiotics. Yeah, I know. It's so true, right? It's awful. So that jousting, accident, accident really affected his whole life and he was unable to be active after his injury. And this is something else that we see with former athletes, right? Like so, who are unable to be active but have always been active. Their appetites don't change. So they're so used to being active now. They're sedentary, but they're still consuming all of these calories. Right. Yeah. And this motherfucker loved rich foods. Loved them so much. So his waist was 54 inches wide.

14:19 That's pretty big. Very big. He's a big boy, yeah. Short King, Big Boy. Yeah, and. And then actually 400 pounds he was, they were believing that he was about £400 like towards the end of his life. I saw years ago when I went to England to like some of his armor, like in the later stage of his life, and it was like. It's like when they put Shrek in armor to, like, rescue Fiona. It's like, whoa, it was like, well, it was all made for, but yes, yeah, it was all made for him. And like you saw it, like tapered out for this huge stomach. My God, they also did that with Robert Baratheon. I'll send you guys a clip. Trust me.

15:00 I believe you. Yeah, even though I'm a little skeptical because I. Use like the the breastplate stretcher or something. So maybe they use that for King Henry too. Maybe he was based off of him. Actually, he probably was, yeah, because didn't he base a lot of his characters? I think he did off of like, yeah, tutors and like a lot of those kingdoms. So probably they're interesting. So over time there were lots of measures that were introduced into to account for his feeling health. They had wheelchairs like towards the end of his life that were constructed to move him around the palaces. And of course once people start seeing the king being wheeled around, rumors start spreading.

15:43 Sure. And things were great. Yeah, it was dangerous back in those days to let people see you were sick or, yeah, you know, and then you start getting mutinees and. Yes, yeah. And people will try overthrowing. Yeah. Yeah. It's not good. They had like their own version of elevators, so he would be like wenched up to upper levels in the castle. Yeah, it's like a whole team of men, just like pulling him up in secret. Of course they would do it at night so no one could see him and those who knew him knew that he was a broken man, but in a shadow of his former self, right? He was this like attractive, you know, really inspiring ruler that was completely fucking broken by the end of it.

16:31 So a little more than a year before his death, he actually attended a parliament on Christmas Eve in 1549, and he delivered an address, and it was really him at his finest. He had a throwback to that charismatic side of him and he was basically saying we need to come together because there's a lot of like religious issues. Is it gonorrhea? So he was trying to bring his people together and say we need to come together, be humble and and you know, come together for England really. So another thing that he was known to have contracted this because we're getting close to the end of his. Very close.

17:12 OK. I was just assuming syphilis. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That was gonna be my second syphilis. So he had syphilis because he had so many affairs. He had six. He just had six wives, OK? Not to mention all the affairs that he was having. So would this pussy leg. And being hoisted up to like a bedroom. He was still banging. He was still banging. I'm guessing there was a lot of, like, Cowgirl. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. I'm like, I'm thinking he wasn't doing much of the work. Yeah, he's like picking someone up against the wall in the rain. Like no, that was pre joust. Yeah, definitely not pose joust he well. And could you imagine with that like those bandages and OK. The smell.

18:00 The smell, yes. Maybe they were like bloodletting. They're like, this is he's like, this is like the bad cum and like I have to get it out. So, like, we have to be doing this, you know? Yeah. Anything for you, Sire. So he also so you had syphilis, he had smallpox, right? And they think that he suffered a series of strokes because of his his diabetes and his his blood pressure. Damn. So this guy was. Dude was jacked. He was so jacked. And then on top of that, he loves rich foods. He's fat. He has gout. It's actually kind of crazy that like he didn't just die because back then, you know, it's not like they could put you on these antibiotics or like these blood thinners, like he was just white knuckling it through like 9 different chronic conditions.

18:48 Yeah, and and you. Fucking miserable. How do you have the energy? No, no, I think, I think I have a. Cold and I'm like, stay away. I just want. To lay in bed, it's like eating a cherry. I'm getting his Dick sucked. He's like, everything's fine. Give me some. Just just pour it right into my gullet. Fetch me some more. Like, what the fuck? So his last days were said to have been horrendous. He wasn't even able to speak. Like he couldn't speak at all. And he was bedridden, of course, the stench from his rotting flesh, because we still have that infected leg that has never not been infected for years. Because they keep cutting it open, letting everything out. They said that it was so bad people would get sick from the smell, so they had to burn like, OK, how do you cover up a smell today?

19:48 We have Febreze, we have Poopery, we have, you know, different things to cover it up. What do they have done? It traps the odors. It doesn't mask them. That's. Right. Like herbs, Dried herbs. Herbs. That's a great gas. Do you have any gas? Incense. Incense. You know, incense. And it was like fucking rocks and shit. Worthy incense. Yeah. And of course they probably had like poultices, like herb, like salve mixes on his running flesh, but like, but it was this like heavy. Air of stank, stank and fucking incense. It's like smelling. It's like when you go take a shit and you spray the flower spray and it's like now it just smells like flowery shit. So gross.

20:35 That's why I think. This was always have matches in the bathroom, yes, but then also it's like, well, now everyone knows they took a shit because it smells like that. There's really no good, yeah, but the pooperie are supposed to spray into the water. Yeah, before. Yes, yeah, I love how we all noticed. Hell yeah, Can we? I saw that commercial and I was like, I'll take a four fat. Thank you. I need one for my purse. The world is my toilet. Now can use anyone, so people are walking in his like inner circle are gagging from this mall. It's hot. It's disgusting. At what point don't you just kill the king and say I'm can't do anything? You can't.

21:18 Fucking talk. He's paralyzed. They were at least pretty loyal. At the end, I would be like, I give up. What's he going to do? Fire me? He can't move, you know? So good for them. Yeah, they they really like. They really stuck by him. That's some loyalty that we all want. Yeah, Ride or die, baby. So he actually finally ends up dying on January 28th 1547 at 55 years old as a result 55, not 55, as a result of renal and liver liver failure. Among other things, yeah, like an entire lifetime of shit. And like, normally when you hear about King Henry the Eighth, you just hear about his wives and you hear about how crazy he was, but you don't really hear like potentially why he was so crazy and hear about.

22:06 The pussy and not the puss, you. Know yes, yeah. You have a pussy and not the pussy. But like honestly I get why. Just brushing. Brushing my hair while you're talking because I'm not used to my long luxuries. So yeah, I mean, I think it's interesting that we never hear about this. Or like, the fact that his his fucking leg smelled so bad that people would gag around it. He's making his chambermaids gag. Like, that's fucking interesting. Yeah, he's making woman. Everyone's gagging around him well and he he really was trying to stay alive for a while because there was huge questions and who's going to take over the.

22:49 Oh yeah. Did he have a son? So that's why he had also so many wives. He kept on trying for a son and like, I think that one of his wives had a son and that was still birth. But he had daughters. He had Elizabeth. Well, that just won't do. Yes, a woman could never be a ruler. Never so, so he has this son. But the son has always been known to like kind of be in ill health. And because of that, he's like, well, let me wait until he's a little bit stronger to like pass the throne on. He ends up getting the throne when he's a child. And he had, they don't really know exactly what he had, but he definitely had some kind of like pneumonia or something that was never, never really went away.

23:34 And he ends up dying, leaving his sisters up to get the throne. He says who he wants to get the throne. That's not very interesting. Who ends up getting the throne? Is Queen Elizabeth the First. So that's Henry's daughter. It's actually Anne Boleyn's Ann Bolin and King Henry. Their union. Is Queen Elizabeth the First. What do you guys know about her? God, Nothing. I don't think I do either. I just don't know anything. No, I have terrible history in that. I'll give you a brief overview. Okay. Super synopsis. Like Cliff notes, Yes, super synopsis. So she was one of the longest reigning monarchs.

24:18 Just spoiler alert, longest reading monarch. Aside from the Queen Elizabeth of yesteryear just there just but she was around when the Shakespearean like revival, they call it the Elizabethan period. She was very into building up the Armada like the Navy, the English Navy. She also and she was working with Spain quite a bit. They were kind of lots of art. Shakespeare was huge. She was huge into fashion and beauty, and really a nickname that she had was the Virgin Queen.

24:58 Yeah, which is interesting, but I kind of wanted. Sorry, random question. Real quick. Let's, let's ask it, yeah. What? How old was she when her dad died? Do you know, I want to say she was like 1819? She was, she wasn't super. She was like in her late teens to early 20s. And since he didn't have a son, they're like he did have a science. Oh, the son took the throne. Oh, and the son died. Oh. OK, there was a vacuum. And so she ended up with her people, ended up taking the the throne. Yeah. What did she? Look like, was she pretty?

25:38 She was known to be beautiful. She had red hair, like super red hair. I feel like there have been shows that have portrayed her, yes. Just like. That like there was the show the tutors. And I know, Oh my God, she plays Marjorie Tyrout. Natalie Dormer was in it. But I don't know who she plays. I just imagine everyone to be beautiful. I know with like low cut cleavage dresses and velvet and all the right places. Boobies off? Yeah. Well, and she was really the person to like set the standard for fashion. So like when you think of during that time, people like would shave their eyebrows, right?

26:18 So she really didn't have much eyebrows. She was like super redhead. Classic ginger. Yeah, yeah, classic ginger. And she would like, really pale out her skin like super. Like you guys. Super. Yeah, yeah. She was white. Yeah. She was. She was Elvin. Yeah. I feel like I have now seen Queen Elizabeth almost, although maybe I'm thinking of like the Queen of Hearts and Alice in Wonderland, but I. Feel like throw powder and. White, yeah. Powder. White face with like red coit up hair and like a big dress. Yeah, that is totally, yeah. The the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. With what is her name, The Queen of Hearts. Oh, oh, oh, oh. The Helen bought Helen about bottom Carter. Yes, that is very similar to what? An ask type of energy, but that's very similar to what her style was.

27:08 And she was really setting the stage she was. She also had a smallpox, which a lot of people got. And in any pictures that you see of her, you don't see smallpox, of course, right? Like you won't see it on Queen Elizabeth the 1st. She would cover up her smallpox scars that were all over her body, but really over her face with this really pasty white toxic paint. It was lead and mercury that she mixed in my applying it directly to her face. Yeah, hell yeah. And it was, of course that's deadly, right? So she was because she was insecure.

27:52 She also did like another solution which was applying it here all over her neck. She did white lead and vinegar. Was she not getting sick? No, she was sick all the time. Oh, and they're not like putting two and two together, like, well, stop putting lid on you. Think about it. Every turn there was like a fucking new like, oh the the play, a new plague's going to happen. So it's like everyone's like it's such a low standard health wise that it's like, I'm sure they were fucking eating lead. I'm sure that there was like there was so much. You know, random facts off topic. Lead that they would put, they would create lead containers, put liquids. I can't remember what liquids they were, but the lead would sweeten.

28:40 The whatever the mixture is, I can't remember what it was, but that's how they would sweeten things. Containers. See, That's the thing. So drink like drinking lead. They're putting lead on their face. That's crazy. Well, like, like you do. You just don't know right at that time. You don't know that these things. That's right. So when she would apply this makeup, it was done. It was like she had an entire her get ready with me like videos, be like so long. And she had like an entire take. Talk videos just for herself. Get ready with me while I put on this lead based. Paint.

29:22 Don't worry that premature aging isn't because of it. So she would hold this like pasty white shit on her face for an entire week. So she slept in it. She would never take it off, She wouldn't clean it or anything for a week. And that adds to premature aging, yeah. OK, so skin can't breathe first of all. Well, at least she had on like sunblock because she's a ginger, so it's like totally covered, you know? Yeah, that's true. She was very, very, very pale, very pale. So she, let's see, she actually would leave it on and then when she would wash her face, it was so aggravated and like, you know, think of that pink and red and like you're you're basically scrubbing this shit off. It's like an abrasive, like stuff. Probably taking a layer of your skin off. They said that it was like an inch thick of paint that she had on her face, like that's how much she would put on. And as she got older, people would, people would tell her in her suitors and court like, court folks are like, Oh my gosh, you're the most beautiful woman because she was so insecure about her looks.

30:34 I mean, go figure she looked really fucking old and she had all these like holes and stuff in her face. So she took wash her face. She didn't take, you know, soap and water to it. No, no, no, no. She Oh, no, here we go. She mixed egg shells. Oh, alum and mercury. Alum. What is alum? It's a. It's a. What is that? Like a mineral? Yes, it's like, it's like a mineral, OK, but really, mercury is the one that fucks you up the most, right? Yeah, makes it into a paste and like, scrubs her face with it. What is it? What? They're fetish with mercury.

31:16 Like what? What the hell? No, I don't know. Like these experts today say that that will like mercury, putting it on your face will eat away at your flesh. Oh God. But you know what? We do have like, exfoliants. Like I remember using these, like, stride X pads for acne when I was like, in middle school that were just breaking down the barrier of my skin. But you were like, oh, you don't want it to be oily for acne? So instead. You would just like strip your skin of everything so too far removed. We're not that much better. I get. I mean, we're getting a little bit better now, like, but still eggshell, like, that's crazy. That eggshell back then is like the walnut scrub of today.

31:58 Yeah, it totally is. Or the apricots. That's what it is. Yeah, Apricot, Oh my gosh. I mean, so the fact that there was lead and mercury that she was using on a weekly basis was adding to all of her issues, health issues, she. So they say like some of the the issues, the health issues that you would have from this, from mercury poisoning, memory loss, irritability, depression, now these are all symptoms that she was said to have had as she was approaching death. At what age? 30? Yeah, like 70, actually. Oh yeah. Yeah, she lives for. One never of death. Yeah, she's like putting a fucking an inch of what is in there.

32:42 There's something in their genes because. Actually, maybe Mercury, like, makes you live longer. Like I'm just like. Yeah, now I'm like crazy 70. Yeah, even like, oh, her lip stain. She would do red on her lips and that was with not fruits and berries. Not like pink dye or something. It was cinnabar, which was a toxic mineral that contains mercury. So everywhere, everywhere you could possibly see. Mercury, Mercury, Mercury. She was not like a glossy egg girl. She was like a full beat, you know, She was a full beat all the time. So we'll have a picture of what they think she did look like, or closer to what she actually looked like towards the end of her death.

33:28 She just, like, imagined her uglier because, like, no one drew her like that, I'm sure. Well, See. Yeah, Yes, exactly. No one really drew her that way. But I'll show you guys. Yes, OK. They do kind of get the age in there. Yeah, they do, yeah. So she looks a little wrinkly. Yes. And. Hairstyles are how did any like? I know we've had some like cess hairstyles, but how did anyone think that looked good? It was so bad. My God, yeah, this is the old picture of her. Yeah. Her eyes are kind of sunken in. Also like, that will be me in 20 years. I'm like, oh, gross. I'm like, yeah, no, I see it. I see what that looks like and they so this is a a genuine and realistic one.

34:11 Once again, when you're looking at this picture, you have to know that it's probably photoshopped, like photoshopped by the artist back then to make it look a little bit better because he doesn't want his head cut off. Because he fucking, like painted a picture of her that actually is realistic. You don't see any pox scars or anything like that in there, which is something that she had a hard time with. Another thing she loved sweets. Loved them. Relatable queen. Literally a little relatable queen, so she would eat them nonstop, causing her teeth to rot. Of course, did she at least have like a like a pink butt hole or something? Or was like everything is like actually no. She also had like bunions and like pancreas sores. She had warts on her butt hole, ingrown hairs and shit. Totally.

35:04 So the I I had briefly like, mentioned and oh, so with her teeth, she didn't have like any teeth on like half of her face. And by the end of her life it was so bad. She anytime she would talk quickly, people couldn't understand her because she had like basically no teeth and like shit was just robbing. It's like black and all fucked up. So you look at pictures of Queen Elizabeth, just imagine like meth mouth. Yeah, that's what I'm picturing. Yeah. So I kind of alluded to it before, which her being called the Virgin Queen now, of course. She had.

35:46 I think maybe it was not by choice after hearing all this stuff. I mean, like, fucking for sure. So she, I mean she did the the Virgin Queen was like really kind of trying to create control because what was the control that she had her throne having her thrown. If she took on a husband, then he would be king. That would usurp some of her authority. So she was trying to keep hold on to to authority. Think of like what her her mom had to deal with. Her mom had to deal with a ton of shit. She was killed early and then people tried killing Elizabeth quite a few times because she was an heir to the throne and there are other potential heirs that were.

36:30 So she was trying to withstand any kind of overthrowing her entire, her entire reign. Which is why she was like, yeah, no, I'm the virgin queen. I'm, you know, I'm untouched. I'm like this specimen with rotting fucking teeth. And do you guys actually think she was a virgin? Do you think that that's? I like to imagine she was scissoring with her handmaidens just because, like, I always like to imagine that. No, I'm sure she was getting doinked down. Yeah, I think. She got a doinker too, I think so I think that she probably did. There's kind of a fucked up thing that had happened in her childhood, which kind of makes you feel a little bit bad for Queen Elizabeth the First.

37:19 So she was sent to live with her. Father's uncle, it was an uncle, It's. Always an uncle? Yes, Thomas Seymour. So he had married King Henry the Eighth's first wife, who he had gotten that annulment from. Oh. Wow. Sloppy second. Totally so Thomas Seymour and I think believe it was Ann Parr or Catherine Parr. They had had housed her while his her father was still alive. They would have tickle fights and she like Catherine would hold her down.

38:00 And then like there were times where now you're reading it today and basically what it's what it end up saying was that her like dress was tattered and stuff. So he probably was like fucking raping her while she was a young child. Right. Find this Like, did Elizabeth write it down in the diary? Or like confess to someone. Well I so I think it may have come out because he let's see he was actually the IT was the uncle of her younger half brother. OK so he was executed for attempting to get Elizabeth to marry him. So he was trying to get before Elizabeth took the throne. He was trying to force marriage on it. So it must have come out during that because he got executed. He was a fucking pedophile.

38:44 She was a child when he took took her on. Also she potentially had a pregnancy. So a man that she was very attracted to and loved, She had his chambers moved right next to hers while she was the virgin queen. And she was, they later say oh, she wasn't able to make any like events or anything because she was swelling. What does that mean? She's not swelling. She's not. What was that that we were just talking about with the blueberry from? Oh, like the inflation fetish. Or like woman get like pumped up or something. She was definitely not doing that back in the SO.

39:24 She had the baby. I'm guessing we don't know. Oh. We don't know. That's scandalous. That is the total. Skin It's giving a great idea for an HBO spinoff. It's like what? It's giving. Yeah. Right. So she. Yeah. So she actually ended up ended up having to potential pregnancy as she was getting older. She was really fucking depressed, super depressed. Like there are some people in her life that were dying. Well, of course she was like 70, and she had like these bouts of melancholy where she would just like paste the floors and like not want to talk to anyone hurt The Earl of Essex, which was one that one of people that she had died or had had died. She during her final day, as she was saying how much she really regretted killing some people because she killed quite a quite a bit of people like her cousin Mary Queen of Scots. She you know the story Mary Queen of Scots so Elizabeth killed her.

40:22 She was also haunted by visions of her, of of her own frail body. And so she had an idea that, like there was a playing card with a nail through its head, it was found on her chair, and she was fucking paranoid that that would mean that she was gonna die soon. She had, like all of these visions of her dying. She keeps applying that white paint. Yeah, there's like more pain. So she had so many like emotional and physical issues that escalated so much so that she had took to standing, only standing in her like bed chamber. She would not sit down.

41:04 She stood for 15 hours straight before she collapsed on the floor and her ladies in waiting covered the whole floor and and cushions. She was convinced that if she sat down or like laid down she would die, which is why she would like she was stood up for 15 hours straight. So she's she laid down and she could not talk for four fucking days, just laying on the ground. And then they finally moved her into the bed. They could finally actually get her to calm down. She she ended up not really having a plan, but another thing that she had felt was there's this ring that she wore that signified her chastity and her like marriage to the the country, like her virginal Queens stuff. She believed that if she removed that ring she would die. Like it was she was going to die. So she never removed the fucking ring and like skin grew around it and stuff.

42:02 Sure enough, yeah. Isn't that disgusting? Gross. It's so gross. Yeah, she would not because she got older and like, you know, wrinkler or whatever. Who? Who did who? Wait, who is The Who does? Who's doing? Who's in Barbie? Who stars in Barbie, Margot, Robbie. She did a movie where she played Queen Elizabeth the 1st and her sister. Queen of Scots. Queen of Scots was another actress. I can't remember her name. And I remember it's all starting to come back to me like things that you're saying like these kind of these weird behaviors and she gross skin and gross fucking skin. Like she like, just.

42:48 I think that you could even do a podcast just on her beauty regiment at that time because it was so fucked up. But she ends up dying on the 24th of March 1603 and she was actually 69. I thought it was 7069. Virgin Queen, my ass. So I don't know. I think that there was something up with these. Both of these people, they're genetically related to each other. The fact that they lived through, I mean literally painting fucking poison on your face. I mean consuming it, having like open sores your entire fucking life.

43:28 Like these people were made out of something stronger. And whatever it is, I don't care how many babies it takes me. To get it. But I will. I'm gonna find. I fucking wonder. Yeah, it's insane. Imagine people. Well, you wouldn't nowadays, but imagine you you can't correlate the amount of pain and suffering. That they hollerated. Oh yeah, compared to today. I mean, it's you can't even. It's unfathomable when we never talk about it, right? OK, we don't. Even just not having heat and air conditioning and a castle. I would be on the verge and like that was their luxury, was like the castle with the cold damp walls.

44:09 And like there was no like laundry machine to give you hot towels. You know, like even that alone. And then ah, like they didn't have pain meds back then. No. Yeah, they had wine. Yeah. No way that was like cooked in a lead basket to. Make it. Sweet. And no Snickers to Curb Your hangriness, right? Right. I mean just all the things that you think you know, it takes for granted. Like, I'm so messed up in the head. You were like, oh, she was so sad. She was pacing the halls. I'm like, why not get in bed and watch TikTok? And then I'm like, oh, right, Like, that's what you do when you're depressed back then. That's like the only thing you can do is wander the halls. You wander ghost like a ghostly apparition. Yes, Ghostly spook. Go around your frowns, yeah? Real.

44:50 Totally. So that's kind of my tutor death story. That was some crazy shit, but this. Really makes me wanna watch the tutors. Or like a YouTube video about how the tutors are related to Game of Thrones. Or all of these different? Stories. Because I know that a lot of different, like TV shows and movies have been based on this, yeah. Have you guys seen that movie that was talking about with Margot? I've seen clips of it because I was like, how do they make Margot Robbie like, look like that? Yeah, you know, Yeah. No, you should watch it. Does she look ugly? Well, Margot Robbie's hard to make her look. No, she's so beautiful. But you know, you do enough to make her look. She's got like, the powdered face, right? Like the Cool, Yeah, the. Hair up to the sky? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

45:31 I'll have to watch it. Although I never, I never watch movies, so. You don't. Know do what I do and find a TikTok account that broke the movie down into 60 portions. And then you just scroll through and you watch all 60 portions and you're like, I do that. A film buff. Literally. Yeah, I used to do it. I think I have no patience to watch a movie anymore, so I'm just. Gonna do that. Good call. Yeah, They seem to be lasting longer and longer. Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast, Shannon. Thank. You for? Oh my God. Like I I just feel like every time I. Your episodes I got so much knowledge but also a giggle. Thank you. Like I love everything you guys are doing. Thanks for having. So tell anyone who's listening where they can find you what you're doing, what you're up to.

46:11 The podcast I host is called Fluently Forward, where big on TikTok Instagram also at Fluently Forward and you guys are going to be on for an episode all about castration. Yeah. Really. Looking forward to hear you, yes. Well, thank you. Yeah. Thanks. Again, thank you guys. Pleasure. Yes. And we'll see you next week. Yeah. OK. On the flip side. Thanks, bye.